we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
