Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
