Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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