I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
