wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
