The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
