Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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