just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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