I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
