Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
