I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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