You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
