the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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