I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
