it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
