watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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