I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
