He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
