I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
