handjob tips. give me some.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
