my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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