dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
