I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
