In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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