K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
