i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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