party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
id be glad to
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
