i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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