I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
