You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
