operation harelip BJ is a go
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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