i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
