I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
