My cat gives me a boner
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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