I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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