I can tuck mytits in my pants
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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