Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
