I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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