Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
