She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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