I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
