Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
