i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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