I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
