How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
