I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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