Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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