Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
