Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
