M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
