I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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