The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
There's even glitter on my cock...
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