i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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