Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
