Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
